he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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