Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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