everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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