Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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