I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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