He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
