it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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