i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
