Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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