you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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