That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
