blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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