He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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