I'm so fucking centered right now
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
