I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
