my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
