the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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