ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
