you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
