honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
