the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
