i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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