Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i love accidental penises.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
