tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
