Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
