Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
