Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
