i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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