If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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