My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
