I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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