I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
