I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
