You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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