someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
