I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
