You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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