A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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