i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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