the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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