I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
