I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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