I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I enjoy the company of your penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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