Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
