i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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