I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
