I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
