tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
