nut hugger
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fuck appropriateness.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
