the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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