Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
