I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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