i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
