Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
