Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
