she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
