I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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